Knuckle Pine review

(drumroll)
And now, the first DLsite game review!
Knuckle Pine

Name: Knuckle Pine
Price: $7.64

Knuckle Pine is a very simple first person boxing game. The premise is that Pine here thinks she's such hot shit that anyone who beats her can have thier way with her, and you're stepping up to the challenge.


The game itself is, as stated, very simple. You and Pine both have life bars on the left and right side. At the bottom of the screen are four squares. Clicking on one reveals a value, 0, 1, 2, or 3. Pine also gets a number, and whoever has the higher number lands some punches and does some damage.

You can click on her chest to take her top off, and then further clicking on her chest has your boxer kind of brush her nipples with his gloves, which makes her very angry and provokes a strong counter punch.
The timer bar on the bottom counts down, and if it hits zero, the game picks a box for you - as far as I can tell, the CPU picking a box for you has just as good a chance as topping Pine's number as you do. I guess this is uh... one hand mode? Gross.

Honestly, I found the game to be exceptionally easy; I had to go out of my way to lose - I took her top off and then kept attacking her nipples until she knocked me out. (More on what happens if you win or lose later.) The game's biggest weakness, I think, is that the boxing match itself is really short - one of you is gonna be knocked out in under a minute. Pine could put up more of a fight, too, but I wouldn't want the game to be too hard. You can always get her top off and then attack her chest if you want to handicap yourself - but, again, since the matches are over in under a minute, it's kind of pointless.

So, after the match is over, one of two things happen. If you win, as promised, you have your way with her; you click though some scenes of her getting nailed. The first part where you're fingering her is in third person, then first person when you're actually giving it to her. When you're done, she's upset and punches you out, which brings up a YOU WIN? screen and the credits.
If you lose, though, nothing happens except Pine says GOODBYE BABY with her thick accent. I kind of wish something else happened when you lost; let Pine have her way with you, so to speak - have her take off those shorts and sit on your face, something like this. Maybe in the sequel.

Once you've cleared the game once, you see this screen on startup - top option plays the intro, middle option takes you right to the match, bottom option takes you right to the fucking. Actually, the middle option might make it so you can box Pine forever; After clicking it once, our life bars never went down, no matter what I do. I'm going to assume this is a feature and not a bug.

(Update: I've been told the menu options are Begin Match, Free Battle, Pine's Room - "Free Battle" must be endless boxing mode.)

Being able to choose which part of the game to go to is nice and adds a little - I don't want to say replay value, but being able to skip to the part you wants makes it a lot more likely that you'll fire the game up again. Which is good, because you'll be done with it in about five minutes. There's something to be said for not having it take half an hour to beat your opponent (with some games we'll be seeing later), but the boxing part could stand to be a lot longer. (Or you could do Free Battle.) As long as you know what you're getting into length wise - if you see yourself beating up poor Pine repeatedly - it's hard to go wrong for $7 and change. And, yes, I'm going to be dazzled by the cheap price as we go through these games.)

(I tried to get a picture of her victorious with her top still on, but even without chosing an option, Pine can't lose unless I throw the match by getting her top off and making her angry. )

Recommended? With reservations; Read the whole review instead of just this, lazy.

Do bear in mind the game has two sequels (linked in the post below this) - they both feature more stuff than this game, so you may want to consider them instead. Then again, I haven't written a review for those yet, have I? Harumph!